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My mum bought a karaoke compilation VCD home. Now I’m hearing this song 愛如潮水 sung by 張信哲, a different version. Really. It’s got two similar original accompaniments of the song but each of them are of different keys. =_=
I know I haven’t blogged for a while, er I mean a long time. I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster these days because of a friend-turned-enemy. For once we made up yet later… =_=
Hah! Two-and-a-half years of friendship gone down to the drain just because of a half of a year of acquaintance.
I’m now full of disgust for the former and full of adulation for the latter. Really lol!
It’s been unbelievable what this girl (the latter) could do.
This boy (the former) seems to know about this unbelievable thing fully yet doesn’t care about it, letting it affect so many people.
I just couldn’t believe how this hatred of him changed my impression of him totally. I just couldn’t look at him anymore sincerely as a friend. Now whenever I look at him I just… lol… think of all the lies he told and all the wrong he did… and feel like slapping him and scolding him for being such a moron.
For now I can only make sarcastic coughs and laughs at the things he say that I deem lies – I can’t be bothered if some of what he say might be true. We all heard of the 狼來了 story, eh?
He just can’t be trusted anymore!
Haha but nowadays I’ve been letting this hatred overwhelm me – I shouldn’t, I know.
Everything fishy aside, life’s been fun with lots of events like the seniors’ prom and the class chalet. Soon photos will be up. Till then…
I call it hovering between the Poles because I’ve been trying to find out in which Pole I can feel warmer, when in fact both Poles are known to be cold.
Since March, I’ve been vacillating between the Poles, asking myself if I feel better and warmer with romance or with friendship.
I tried getting closer to the Pole nearer to me, but some sudden major tectonic movements of the Earth shifted the Pole further from me.
With a bit of disappointment, I tried getting closer to the Pole further from me, yet before I could reach, someone more agile invaded the Pole.
Perhaps I should just stay forever along the equator in solitude. In fact the equator’s where I’ll get the most warmth. Now I realize, maybe after all, loneliness is the state in which my heart will feel the warmest.
That’s my life geographically explained.
Before talking about the oh-so-pitiful Miss Low, allow me to show off my piano results as promised. Hehe~
Finally! – I’m done with piano. That’s my result slip written by a female examiner. For the past few years and grades my practicals were examined by male examiners whose handwriting could be compared with doctors’. That was when my piano teacher and I would have to toil in reading about my performance.
And it’s the first time I’ve read an examiner using slang like “ya”.
And and… while my teacher warned me about how meticulous yet stringent and stingy female examiners can be in administering the piano exam, I’ve actually attained a high pass for this particular exam I think I screwed up the most among all the piano exams I’d taken in the past.
Turns out the examiner was pretty generous.
But it’s a pity to think that I could have garnered three more marks for a merit with some more hard work.
Having been convicted for credit card fraud that sent her to 24 months of supervised probation, and having cheated in various exams, she alleged that her bipolar disorder caused her to seek excitement (刺激感 cijigan was what she said in the Chinese interview).
Ris Low started stealing things she wouldn’t need to use since she was in Primary 1. Yet, excitement superseded her guilt (“兴奋多过于内疚”).
Even recently, she was caught to have small pieces of paper in her pencil case during an exam in August. Yet, she said it wasn’t considered cheating at all because she didn’t mean to cheat.
Oh righttt so next time I can jolly well cheat in my ‘O’s and tell the examiners to let me off for I don’t mean to cheat at all.
To my astonishment, she put up such a weak defense against her cheating act by claiming that those papers were remnants of her torn revision notes that happened to “fly” into her pencil case.
Yes, I can vividly recall her ludicrous use of the word 飞 (fei: to fly):
LOL Okay whatever, maybe she used it metaphorically… But… =_=
And to top it off she admitted to not checking her pencil case at all despite the examiner’s reminders before the exam to surrender any unauthorized materials.
Though her command of spoken English has shown to be pathetic, she self-proclaimed that she had attained a B3 in ‘O’ Level English and an A1 in English within a certain course she couldn’t name properly (again).
She was trying to name her polytechnic course. Unfortunately she stumbled, “Communications and… communications and… 就是 (jiushi: just) communication skills lah…” just like how she had to while recalling what she was majoring in:
Currently I’m majoring in my… [looks up to ponder] … [looks back to camera] Diploma in Health Science and Horse-pee-telly-tee and Travel Tourism. Right now I’m studying, steel.
LOL I mean, look, she had to commit the same mistake twice…
So what if she might get nervous once she had to face the camera? Wasn’t she supposed to be ready to face such challenges? If she’s camera-phobic, that’s her loss – she was supposed to deal with it herself. If she couldn’t, she should be prepared to face such criticisms.
Thank God, she’s currently having English lessons to improve her diction. Goes to show her spoken English wasn’t bad because of her nerves whatsoever.
But what the boomz, Ris Low also claimed that she still wants to realize her dream of becoming a pageant queen. Boomz!
(Pictures of Ris Low from http://forums.hardwarezone.com.sg/showthread.php?t=2516060&page=152, users imanon and jq75)
[...continued from previous post...]
2. LOSING FRIENDS
Another reason for me skipping school is that I just can’t accept losing friends despite knowing that it’s part and parcel of school life. With changing classes and leaving ex-classmates with whom we have been studying for 2 years, in addition to the academic hierarchy putting down students in less demanding classes, induced by the existence of different classes of different standards, you can’t imagine how friendship can crumble piece by piece in the face of such circumstances.
But what’s ironic is how some of my friends who have been in the same class with me for 3 years have also started to pull the distances. Aww I sound so schmaltzy here. But it’s true. I always feel that some of the clever ones, with their knowledge acquired by rote, and the desperate one in my class have taken all the friends I can depend on away.
I’m jealous, yes I am. So now I’d have to resort being the desperate one. But seriously I don’t wanna be some jerk hovering around some friends trying to obtain some sort of attention. It’s annoying and seriously sad to see them foraging like predators on a cruel hunt – I have had such experiences of such people and I’m able to imagine myself like that.
I’d rather be a loner, even for one more year, if that’s necessary.
After all, let’s stop putting on that ostentatious display of only looking at what’s within and not outside, we all know behind that pretense we all are superficial human beings who still hunger for the better-looking things and not as much for the worse-looking things. Aren’t we? Eh?
That means obviously not many would like me, a ball laden with lipids, as a friend.
If we aren’t, people wouldn’t bother to do the extremes to shed off their fats – liposuction, plastic surgery etc etc…
How I wish I can retain some of my close friends after secondary school! But so many of them are aiming for junior colleges whereas I’m the stupid one aiming for only a polytechnic even before my ‘O’ Levels. Furthermore, at this rate of getting more and more distant from my friends, we’ll already be infinity apart by the end of secondary school.
However lonely I am, whatever solitude I dwell in, I’m just gonna be the softhearted kind Jialormee who does and helps in whatever he can for anyone including friends and acquaintances…
…because I believe in the spirit of not forsaking the world even when the world has forsaken you.
And that’s what I can present to you as my bland yet depressing school life. Thanks to those who commented in the previous post! I really am grateful for your words of encouragement.
P.S. I need recommendations on what kind of guitar I should buy as a beginner. Anyone?
P.P.S. Look out for the next post where I’ll be vaingloriously bragging about my recent piano exam results LOL and talking about the recent Chinese interview of Ris Low in Channel 8 (like how she wore a cheongsam there =_=)
N.B. This will be a 800-word long post with no pictures, bland. I’m sorry, but these are my true and hidden feelings I pray you’d read. Please do not take offense in whatever I’ve typed here, especially those in my class.
Accept my sincere apologies for not blogging these days. I was on this hiatus without prior notice because of those notorious end-of-year exams. All I can say is that exams have just ended today, with a heavily awful and ugly full-stop. You catch my drift? Yes you did.
My classmates know a lot about me playing truant, albeit with “medical certificates“, quite a few times in a row. Some expressed such knowledge so wittily by attaching to me an endearing nickname known as “ponstar”. I might not be sexy or have a tool long enough to sound like it, but that’s mainly because I’m a fat lazy indolent guy who hates school for a number of reasons:
1. MY CLASS
I don’t hate my class. I just don’t fancy that kind of environment and atmosphere where my classmates endlessly do their school work without failure. It’s a triple-science class environment – a sudden change of environment I cannot adapt to, at all. It’s a great pity to always recall how I fell into this deep abyss of only studying, studying and studying:
I opted for a double-science class as my first choice (and triple-science class as my following choice) but was allotted to a triple-science class for my good results in Secondary Two. At first I was appalled because I’ve heard of the tough life students lead in a triple-science class. The first word that hovered in my mind was “appeal“. Unfortunately, my stupidity misled me into thinking that I couldn’t appeal for a position in a class with less demanding standards while lots of students were aching for one in a better class.
Only during this year was I told that I could have actually had my appeal for a less demanding class approved straight away. It was those appeals for better classes which often got refuted. I was utterly disappointed; I didn’t feel fortunate at all. Despite all the privileges a triple-science class entails such as good teachers and reputation etc, it encompasses stress, stress and stress, doesn’t it?
Just the thought of studying in a triple-science class sent chills down my spine as school started opening. I’m not smart and furthermore, studying is totally not my cup of tea. Stress, needless to say, has been one of my major phobias. I definitely did and do not deserve a place in this class if the teachers had known my results were desirable and good by chance.
With my inertia in studying, I have to say I don’t deserve any good teachers and I feel completely shameful that I have to let my conscience put up with wonderful teachers who can teach wonderfully.
However, what’s done can’t be undone. Not that I’m jealous of the dedicated bibliophiles in my class whatsoever, but what can be worse than seeing your fellow classmates doing homework every recess, doing homework during the National Day celebrations? Yes, they do sound quite conventional and even normal, but the sight of them just inexplicably irks my eyes. Seriously, why can’t they take a rest?! I know I’m getting personal here, but I reiterate that I don’t hate my class. It’s just in my genes to get irritated by people studying so often they have to forsake class bonding and spirit.
It’s just astonishing how my class attained the Best Class Award for a certain month. This plunges me in deep and profound wonder – in what ways have we demonstrated ourselves as the best class should you define the best class as a class being bonded and spirited? Even if we have done a lot of things to look like the best class, I sincerely believe there were better classes who exuded greater class bonding and spirit.
We can’t even keep our class spick-and-span, my dear.
And to be able to possess certain undecided (as of now) privileges as a result of this accolade, I feel like I have done classes who deserved our title better wrong. Recently, I’ve read a friend’s status update on Facebook about how effing unfair the best class has certain ‘privileges’. I don’t really know what the said privilege is, even till now, but the question is: Do we as a class really deserve any of the privileges we are/were given?
In fact I feel very bad when she ranted about the unfair hierarchy of classes in school. I asked her about it but no reply was given. Perhaps I shouldn’t probe.
Those incessant sounds of pens scribbling on papers, reminiscent of unfailing competitiveness… and that inertia in me… I’m not choosing to keep up with my classmates yet, because the problem is – in the first place, was I supposed to be here?
Until I am convinced enough to say yes, I don’t think I have sufficient strength to keep up and eliminate that sense of inferiority dominating my school life. [...to be continued in next post tomorrow...]